A Fool's Paradise
by asphodelmoonlight
Summary: "I had been living in a fool's paradise; a world where tragedy seemed so far away and true happiness seemed all the more attainable." After the untimely death of his daughter, the Doctor recounts the good memories he had with her. ONE-SHOT


_A Fool's Paradise_

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><p>"<em>When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it'll never end. But however hard you try you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever for one moment, accepts it.<em>_"_

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><p><span>The Doctor's Point of View<span>

I did not even have the strength to cry. My will to live had been slowly drained out of me. Every ounce of fight and and every fiber of strength that had once resided in me was now lost forever. The stars no longer shone so bright to my eyes - their light almost appearing dim. In one moment of bitter reality I had lost it all. I had been living in a fool's paradise; a world where tragedy seemed so far away and true happiness seemed all the more attainable. I had finally realised I was living in ignorance and I had fallen from my cloud with a sickening thud. My daughter had been killed before my very eyes.

Her name was Hope, as her name suggests she had given me hope. My life had been long - sometimes I felt it too long, but since she had taken her first breath she had given me a new lease of life. River and I had been happy for a good few years, but slowly it had all started to fall apart. The day finally came when I took River to Darilium and now, after an encounter with a dalek I had been forced to say goodbye to our daughter. What looked to be a promising future with my wife and daughter and now evaporated into one of being alone for the rest of eternity.

Hope had been wonderful. I know, that's what every parent says, but Hope truly was. Her eyes were the rarest green and they glimmered like emeralds shimmering with life and youth. Her smile could bring light to even the darkest of hearts. She was brave and strong and good. She was perfect. Sometimes I worried that she was _too_ perfect. Her desire to see the good in everything had been her downfall, that tiny hesitation she had shown when aiming a gun at the eyestalk of dalek had resulted in her untimely demise. I wish that I could've gone back and somehow changed the turn of events, but I was hopeless to. The laws of time never worked in _my_ favour.

After her death Hope had no longer looked her perfect self. Her skin, usually blushed with colour was pale and waxy with a blue-like tinge to it. Her eyes I had once been able to lose myself in, but now they were as empty as a forest without trees. Her beauty had been stolen away, sucked right out of her by the masked man who comes for everyone except me. It was times like these where death seemed favorable. I had lost everyone and everything. I had finally thought I had found something that I could keep, something that perhaps would last forever. But alas even Hope dies.

I had nothing left. Only one thing, only my memories. I would keep them, I would hold onto them with every fibre in my body for they were all I had left in the world. The only thing that was keeping me sane. I walked down the Tardis corridors each room I passed held a memory, some more important than others. I finally reached her room; Hope's room. My heart lurched and my eyes brimmed with unspilt tears once more. It was just like any teenage girl's room, with the exception that this one was on time-travelling space ship. It screamed pink, every crevice and every shelf was covered in pink and sparkles. I hadn't liked it. Hope had. That had made me happy.

Her bed was unmade. I hadn't tidied her room since that night, a tiny part of me still hoping that she would walk through the door and I could moan at her about her room looking like a pig sty. I sat on the bed and picked up her teddy bear. Although small, the teddy bear held more significance to me than anything else in the TARDIS, you see it held many memories of Hope.

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><p>Amy and Rory had agreed to babysit little Hope whilst I was off saving a bunch of yarn people from large cats. It had been a lot of fun, but I was unashamed to say I was missing hope. She was only four but already the little girl had me wound around her finger so tight I feared I was stuck with her forever. So I headed back to Amy and Rory's place. Even from the front door I could hear her laughing and chattering away like a chipmunk on steroids. I could swear that she could have melted even Dalek's heart. I opened the door without knocking, knowing full well that Amy and Rory would know it's me.<p>

Sure enough, little Hope came plundering down the hallway and into my arms. She was wearing what appeared to be a teddy bear outfit, she also wore a smile twice as big as anything I could pull off. I hoisted her up into my arms and she tugged at my bow tie. It was a strange fascination of hers. She was always playing with it, undoing and then childishly attempting to fix it again.

"Have you been a good girl for granny and granddad?" I asked little Hope. The youngster nodded vivaciously, her emerald eyes still fixed on her father's bow tie. "Why are you dressed as a bear?"

"Because granny forgot to wash my clothes and this is the only thing left that was clean." Hope explained fluently. I suppressed a chuckle, Amy had never been very good at the whole housewife thing. Since River was gone, she had been forced to step up and be a mother to little Hope. "Daddy did you bring me anything back? You said you would!"

"I did." I grinned. I felt around my pockets and for one moment I thought I'd lost it, but sure enough wedged between my sonic and my copy of the ninth Harry Potter book was the fluffy brown teddy bear that the yarn people had knitted specially for little Hope. I pulled it out and handed it to her. She appeared to like it, Amy had told me that I couldn't go wrong with cuddly toys. Hope hugged my neck as tightly as she could. "Do you like it?"

"I love it daddy!" She smirked. "Thank you!"

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><p>Amy crossed her arms as she watched little Hope toddle around the living area with her teddy, whom she had quite aptly named Rory after her beloved grandfather. Amy didn't look happy. You see it was little Hope's birthday and Amy had went all out on an expensive barbie playhouse set. Hope had shown interest in it for a few moments before dismissing it and returning to her old faithful teddy bear that was over a year old.<p>

"What's the point in getting her any presents." Amy moaned inwardly, she ran a hand through her red locks. Rory was chuckling already. "All she's ever interested in is that manky old teddy bear! have you smelt it doctor! She doesn't let me wash it. Shes frightened in case the washing machine swallows it. I spent fifty quid on that doll's house and she's hardly even looked at it."

"She appreciates the thought." I told her, ruffling Hope's hair as she passed me. She climbed up toward Rory, whom gladly accepted her onto his knee. The pair were close, for some reason Hope gravitated toward Rory. This was another thing that displeased Amy, yet unfortunately for mine and Rory's ears she did choose to voice this complaint on this such day. "Oh Amy are you honestly bothered about a five year old not liking your gift?"

"Yes of course I am - she's my granddaughter. She doesn't like me. It's always you or Rory she goes to. Never me. When she hurts her knee she cries for daddy. When she wants to play she asks Granddad." Amy grumbled "The only time she ever asks me for anything is when she's asking where you two are. She hates me."

"Of course she doesn't." The doctor laughed. Amy didn't seem convinced. It wasn't until little Hope - sensing her grandmother's displeasure - toddled up to her and gave her a big slobbery kiss and a wide hug did Amy ever believe that her granddaughter loved her.

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><p>I was in the TARDIS control room, I was running some simple repairs. The brake nozzle was strangely broken. I was pretty sure it had something to do with Hope spilling her Irn Bru over it. Amy had been sure to instill Scottish taste buds into her granddaughter, Little Hope had been eating everything from bagpipe music to haggis, the latter she had despised so much she had refused to eat for the rest of the day. I quickly removed the nozzle and began poking and prodding at the circuits with the butt of my sonic.<p>

I was just about to remove a whole circuit board, when a loud wail pulled from my thoughts. It belonged to Hope. Her tiny shrill cries could be heard even from here. Instinctively, I dropped my sonic, and I flew threw to her bedroom. I had forgotten just how long the corridors were. I finally reached the door and slammed it open. Part of me was frightened something had her - a dalek or a cyberman. Even though I was in the TARDIS I still worried for one such event. I was relieved to see Hope alone. She was sat upright, teddy clutched tightly and eyes gleaming with tears.

"Daddy." She managed, before bursting out into tears. They spilt down her cheeks so fast I thought there would be no end to them. I made my way to her side sitting on the edge of her bed. She crawled into my arms, burying her head into the crook of my neck. Her teddy was wedged between us. "I had a nightmare."

"A nightmare?" I didn't like nightmares. They were horrid things. "What happened in the nightmare? was there monsters?"

"No." She spoke. "It was worse than that. There was nothing. It was just me and teddy Rory. You were gone and Gran and Granddad were as well. I was all alone and a voice was telling me that I'd never see you again."

"Well that's ridiculous." The Doctor laughed, he stood up Hope was still in his arms. He went over to the seat in the corner of her room and sat in it. "I will never ever leave you sweet child. Even when all the stars have faded into nothing and the last of humanity are clinging to edges of the universe, I will still be with you. I'm never leaving. Your stuck with me forever I'm afraid."

Hope laughed to herself. "I will never leave you either."


End file.
